She can go back. Not in memory. In fact.
Since Tomas died, Lena has made her life small enough to survive. The chipped cup on the left side of the sink. The bread folded twice. The keys in the bowl by the door.
And one impossible thing her grief allows.
She can step into the kitchen they shared and stand in the fixed afternoon light — close enough to count the threads at his cuff — watching her younger self refuse the coffee, the bread, the man across the table.
She goes back to gather evidence. Of his care. Of her failures. Of the small, ordinary cruelties that filled the last rooms of a love before a phone call ended it.
But nothing there can be undone, and the past is not a photograph. Each return wears it thinner. The edges go first — the jars on the shelf, the calendar by the fridge, the street beyond the window — while the centre stays unbearably clear. She is spending the one thing she cannot bear to lose.
And the living are waiting: a stubborn downstairs neighbour, a colleague’s dry kindness, and Noor, who mends damaged things behind a blue door two streets away and asks Lena for nothing. They can be lost by neglect as easily as the dead are lost by too much remembering.
The Cartography of What Remains asks what it costs to stop going back — and stay in the room you are actually in.
The Going Back Series — Book One. Each book stands alone.
What did I think?
I don't read a lot of literary fiction but I do like to push my boundaries and Eva Schep's The Cartography of What Remains caught my eye at just the right time.
I didn't really know what was going on at first but what I did know was that Lena was grieving and she was lonely. It really broke my heart to see her stepping back into the kitchen and reliving such painful memories. It was a very powerful image as Lena physically steps back into her memories rather than remember moments in a more positive light as their sharp edges get rounded off over time.
It is very well written and gently paced so it's a book to savour rather than devour. I didn't study English Literature at school but I think it would have been beneficial to do so in order to fully appreciate the nuances of the narrative.
I also found it quite thought-provoking and a sobering reminder that we only get one shot at life. It's like that old saying that you should never go to bed on argument so I think what Eva Schep is trying to tell us is that we should treat each conversation as if it was our last or we will have guilt to cope with as well as grief.
The Cartography of What Remains is a poignant and profound novel that gave me with food for thought and reminded me that life is not a rehearsal.
Many thanks to Eva Schep for sending me a digital ARC to read and review; this is my honest and unbiased opinion.
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